An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and...

Judi spotted Jon across a crowded room at a convention in Las Vegas. Easing up next to him, Judi asked Jon if he would like to join her for a drink."I don't know," said Jon. "I've got a wife and...

A man walks in to a bar and orders a drink. He looks down the bar and sees another piss drunk man keep falling off his stool. The man finishes his drink watching the other man try to get back up on...

A police officer pulls over this guy who's been weaving in and out of the lanes.He goes up to the guy's window and says,   "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."The...

1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects.2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.3. Job interfering with your drinking.4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your...

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply.The first man then asks, "Where are you from?""I'm from Ireland," replies...

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!" he cried out.However, before the police...

A man walks into a pub, and approaches the bar. He orders a pint and looks down to see a bowl of peanuts on the counter. He decides to eat one, when he picks it up and goes to put it in his mouth...

A guy walks in a bar, and buys a huge beer. Then he sees someone he knows, and decides to go and say hi to them, but he does not want to drag his beer mug with him. So he sets it on a table, along...

"Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man standing at the door. It didn't take the homeowner long to...

A man walks into a bar with a duck on his head.The bartender says,"May I help you, sir?" The duck says,"Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass."

An obnoxious drunk stumbles into the front door of a bar and orders a drink, the bartender says, "No way buddy you're too drunk."A few minutes later the drunk comes in through the bathrooms, again...

A woman was sleeping in her bed when her husband crashing through the front door at 3 am waked her up. He staggered and tried to get up the stairs, " what are you doing" she shouted,the husband...

A pony walks into a bar and asks, "Bartender, may I have a drink?"Bartender says, "What? I can't hear you. Speak up!""May I please have a drink?" asks the pony."What? You have to speak up!" the...

A little man is sitting in a bar when a big guy comes up and says here’s a punch from Japan the little man gets up and the big guy goes here’s a kick from Korea...

This guy walks into a bar with a frog on his head.The bartender says, "Hey, what's that?"To which the frog replies "I don't know. It started as a wart on my bum and this happened."

There were 2 men at a bar, the first man said to the other one, "I know a bridge where you can jump off and return safely." The other man who was shocked asked the man to show it to him. After they...

How do you make a cat be a dog?Pour gasoline on it and light it with a match. It will go 'WOOF.'

Yo' mama so fat, she has to use a telephone pole as a tampon!

There once was a toad that was excluded from all Green Toad activities because he was a handsome shade of yellow. So he went to visit a beautiful fairy in the town over who had the power to grant...