A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3-year-old daughter.The mother said, "What does the cow say?"The child answered, "Moo!"The mother then said, "Great! What does the cat say?"The...

Harry the Magician was performing on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The pay was lousy, but the audience changed weekly, so he could do the same tricks over and over.There was just one problem: The...

Two campers where hiking in the forest when all of a sudden a bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing them.Both campers start running for their lives when one of them stops and starts to put on...

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store.He does a double take, as he notices that the saucer is extremely...

Tarzan gets into a huge fight with a lion in the jungles of Africa.The lion is defeated, but not before it rips off Tarzan's arm, eye, and dick. Of course, Tarzan's jungle friends help him out by...

This guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.The guy goes into the backyard and sees a mutt sitting...

An old wizard was walking through a park when he came upon two statues. One statue was male and the other was female. They were positioned on opposite ends of the park, facing each other with their...

What kind of condoms do snakes use?Anacondoms!

A man was relaxing with his evening paper, when there was a knock on the door.He opened it, and saw nobody, so he closed the door and went back to his paper.There was another knock, so he opened...

How did the skunk call home?On his smell-ular phone!

What did the one shepherd say to the other shepherd?Let's get the flock out of here!

There was a man with a restaurant near a construction site. The construction workers usually had their lunches in there, their favourite meal being beef soup.But one day the chef ran out of meat...

There once was a scientist who studied frogs. One day, the scientist put the frog on the ground and told it to jump. The frog jumped four feet.So the scientist wrote in his notebook, "frog with...

What do you call a royal Rabbit?A hare to the throne.

Two blondes suddenly got into bird hunting and were eager to try it out for themselves.They had read that a birddog is a great and useful accessory in bird hunting, so they decided to go to the pet...

Q: Why do rednecks' dogs have flat noses?A: From chasing parked cars...

There was a man who had a pool installed.It was a very elaborate pool with tiles imported from Russia.One day, he walked out to his wonderful pool to find it covered with algae.He quickly called...

What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?Bacon and legs!

A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work. The dog  is a brilliant piano player. He plays all the standards. He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes, when all of a sudden; a big...

Why did the pervert cross the road?His dick was stuck in the chicken.