Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn. Madonna All men are not homeless, but some men are home less than others. Henry Youngman To attract men, I wear a perfume called...

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. David Bissonnette I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If...

10. "Lie Your Sweet Ass Off And Become A Millionaire" 9. "Choking Coaches For The Soul" by Latrell Sprewell 8. "Combing! The Revolutionary New Way To Adjust Your Hair" 7. "How To Win...

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children. J. Paul Getty A man explained inflation to his wife thus: 'When we married, you measured 36-24-36. Now you're 42-42-42....

The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children. Clarence Darrow Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex. Bill Maher To be a...

I'm so old they've cancelled my blood type. Bob Hope As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two... Sir Norman Wisdom Yes, time...

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Rodney Dangerfield When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason. Molly McGee Always get married early in the...

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for...

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the...

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All...

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Entry level position: You'll be making minimum wage. Entry level position in an up-and-coming company: You'll be making minimum wage; we'll be bankrupt in a year. Profit sharing plan:...

Take the prospective employee and put him in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave him alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what he is...

I know how to deal with stressful situations: I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee breaks. I seek a job that will draw upon my strong communication &...