Q: What do Michael Jackson and broccoli have in common?A: Both are force fed to little boys.

Q. What does Michael Jackson and a Nintendo have in common? A. They are both made of plastic and kids turn them on.

Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a microwave?A: A microwave won't brown your meat!

Why did Elton John sing at Diana's funeral?He wanted toupee his respects.

Q. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Greyhound racing?A. The greyhounds wait for the hairs to come out.

Q: How do you neuter Michael Jackson?A: Give him spiked gloves and tell him to sing a song.

Q: What do Michael and Gaylord Perry have in common?A: Both have held lots of wet balls in their hands.

What have Lady Di and a bottle of French wine got in common?The both came from France in a wooden box

What's Di's favourite ice-cream?Walls

Q: What is Michael Jackson's favorite gospel song?A: "And then he touched me"I just bought a new car stereo... When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music. When you shout out "Rock", it plays...

Q. What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?A. They both live off dead Beatles.

What did Elton John say when he heard of Di's dimise?"Great another No. 1"

What do Diana and Versace have in common?They both get screwed by queens and die.

What do Diana and Darren Milane have in common?They both didn't make it home from the tunnel. (How Melbourne-specific is this joke, eh?)

What did Di wear for her funeral? A dark blue bonnet.

What have Di & Ian Wright (English Footballer) got in common?Both hit the post 4 times at the weekend.

What's Diana and a tampon got in common?They both go in dark holes and come out red.

Why did the Poms want to cremate Di?That way they finally get to keep the ashes!

Q: What's Michael's favorite dish?A: Creamed shrimp.

Why couldn't the paparazzi develop the crash photos?Cos there was bloody Di all over them.