About five years ago the battery in my beat-up VW beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight . I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me...

It is for good reason that you'll hear a lot of talk about the weather in Ireland. The Irish are used to cloudy skies and regular showers because they know that a puff of breeze will soon clear the...

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child offive.A man's only as old as the woman he feels.Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.Either he's dead or my watch has...

My former sister-in-law, not the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but still quite creative, rolled through a stop sign and THEN spotted the two patrolmen in the cop car watching her do it.She...

Shortest Love Story - With A Happy Ending! He asked her "Will you marry me?"She replied "No"And they both lived happily ever after.

In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.The American general called for one of his men and told him to...

A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with...

The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices.These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it.The...

Joey's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Joey seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about girls."The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a...

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago toHippopotamus, New York."The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent, "Are you sure that'sthe name of the town?""Yes, what...

A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an social security agent to interview him. "You just give me a...

A mother may hope that her daughter will get a better husband that she did, but she knows her son will never get as good a wife as his father did.Proud father to mother as they watched their small...

The pro at the country club was rude. When he beat you on the golf course he not only took your money he then told you everything you did wrong and suggested that you would never be able to hit the...

A friend of mine heard this on a pre-flight announcement from an American Airlines pilot: "On our flight today, we will be flying at 34,000 feet. To give you an idea of how high that is, we would...

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Doughboy was buried in one of the...

A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases.A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?"He answered, "I'd...

A Vermont farmer bought some land that was still just as it had been before the Pilgrims landed.He dug up hundreds of stones and built a fence; cut down trees to create a clearing; built a house...

Mother:"Why are you home from school so early?"Son:"I was the only one who could answer a question."Mother:"Oh, really? What was the question?"Son:"Who threw the eraser at the principal?"

On the outskirts of town, there was huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for...

Some people are extremely impressed when you tell them you're a Navy SEAL.Case in point: My grandson's pre-K class on Career Day. I regaled them with stories of my exploits in the military. After I...