One day, a stranger walked into a bar. After ordering a beer, he saw a horse over in the corner with a huge pot full of money in it. When asked the bartender replied:" It's a contest. Try to...

In a restaurant, a disgusted customer says: Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup? The waiter, after taking a close look says: It looks to me like the breaststroke, Sir

A lady goes into a bar with her goose. Then the bartender comes up to her and says, "Why did you have to bring the pig in with you?" Then the lady answered, "Excuse me, I think this is a...

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas." The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day." "Yes, I've just found out my older...

A new guy in town walks into a bar and reads a sign that hangs over the bar: FREE BEER FOR THE PERSON WHO CAN PASS THE TEST! So the guy asks the bartender what the test is. Bartender: "Well,...

A number twelve walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of beer. "Sorry I can't serve you," states the barman. "Why not?!" asks the number twelve with anger showing in its voice. "You're...

A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks: "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland,"...

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands, "Gimme a double of the strongest whiskey you got. I'm so mad, I can't even see straight." The bartender, noticing that the little man is a...

A construction worker walks into a bar. He's a rather large, menacing guy. He orders a beer, chugs it back, and bellows, "All you guys on this side of the bar are a bunch of idiots!" A sudden...

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up...

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hollowed be thy drink. I will be drunk, At home as in the travern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill...

A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers. In the bar, he saw the...

A brain walks into a bar and says, "I'll have a pint of beer please." The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can't serve you." "Why not?" askes the brain. "You're already out of your head."

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: "Why don't you be a good Samaritan and take him home."...

A serious drunk walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her and kissed her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately...

John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink....

A guy walked into a bar and said "Beers for everyone, even you, Bartender." But when it was time to pay, the guy didn't have the money, so the bartender beat him up. The next day the guy did...

There were 4 guys sitting in a bar. One of them decided to play a little game about what each of them thought was the fastest thing in the world. Well the first guy says, "I think a Concord Jet is...

A bored guy sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation. He turns to bartender and says, "Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress . .." "STOP pal - I don't allow talk about politics...

There were three guys in a new bar that just openened and the bartender asked them what he should call his new bar. One guy said, "just name it a pub." Another said, "just name it the bar." The...