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bar jokes Page 4 of 8
Apr 20, 2005
The Karate Chop
412 hits
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and -- WHACK!! -- knocks him off the bar stool and onto...
Apr 25, 2005
The Patient Waiter
365 hits
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so...
Apr 26, 2005
Buy Everyone A Drink
407 hits
A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just...
Feb 20, 2005
Moo Moo
132 hits
A man goes into a bar and sits at a booth in a dark corner.
A few minutes later 3 other men follow.
They sit down at the bar.
The first man says, "I'm so thirsty, I could drink a...
Jul 19, 2005
Horse Country
164 hits
A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as President Bush appeared on the television. After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest...
May
1, 2005
Bar Prayer
128 hits
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink.
Thy will be drunk,
I will be drunk,
At home as it is in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our...
Mar 16, 2005
Man and his Technology
107 hits
A well dressed man walks into a bar in a rather rough side of town. The bartender watches to make sure no fights break out with him.
To the bartenders suprise, the man starts hitting his hand...
May 22, 2005
Hungry Monkey
116 hits
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then...
Jun 11, 2005
Pissing On a Bar
279 hits
A man goes into a bar and orders a drink. He drinks it and gets up on the bar, drops his pants, and pisses all over the place. The bartender is pissed and goes to beat up the guy. The man cries and...
Jun 15, 2005
Hard Words to Say When Drunk
162 hits
THINGS THAT
ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:
Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:...
Jul 27, 2005
Pirate
166 hits
A pirate walks into a bar and has a seat. The bartender notices the pirates peg-leg, eyepatch and hook for a hand.
The bartender and the pirate start talking and the bartender casually slips in...
Mar 24, 2005
Paying the Bill
105 hits
A man walks into a bar and has a few drinks. The bartender gives him the bill but the man has left his wallet at home. So the man tells the bartender he paid already.
The bartender says, "If...
Mar
3, 2005
The Girlfriend
133 hits
A man walks into a bar and has a lot of drinks. He gets completely wasted. He mentions to the bartender that he has his girlfriend sitting in his new corvette outside so she can drive him home.
...
Mar
9, 2005
An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. They are having a good time and all agree that the bar is a nice place.
Then the Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but...
Jun 15, 2005
Followed Some Tracks
108 hits
One time there were three guys sitting at a bar. One was stupid, one was pretty smart, and the third was very intelligent. Well, they were sitting at the bar and the pretty smart one says that they...
May 31, 2005
Ghost Fight
153 hits
A proud elderly gentleman was in the hospital for a series of tests because his bodily functions were extremely disrupted.
During the night he made several trips to the bathroom because he...
Jun 26, 2005
Drinking
141 hits
A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2 a.m., at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn't want to wake anyone,...
Feb 18, 2005
Seeing-eye Dogs
128 hits
Two guys are out walking their dogs one day and decide to stop at a bar to get a drink.
When they get there, however, there's a sign on the door that says, "No Pets Allowed."
The...
Apr 13, 2005
Compliments
149 hits
A man walks into a bar and has a drink.
Then he hears a tiny voice say, "You are so handsome."
He looks to see who said that but finds no one. So he drinks again.
Then he hears a...
Jun 18, 2005
Jack and the Phone Call
169 hits
Jack locked up his bar and headed home. He'd been asleep a few minutes when the telephone rang.
"What time do you open in the morning?" he heard an obviously inebriated man inquire....
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