A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of Mr.Schwartz, who was about to be...

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door. "Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner." Then she quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then dusted him...

 A man walks into a night club one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.  "Certainly, Sir, that'll be 1 cent."  "One Cent?", exclaimed the man. The bartender...

Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight Vigil   by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.    Her praying roused him...

A white guy and a black guy died and were on their way up to Heaven and they had to stop at the Pearly Gates before they could enter. So the Angel Gabriel was there waiting for them, and he told...

A Priest gets a call from one of his golfing buddies on a Saturday afternoon. "We've got a tee time at 3:00 and need a fourth...can you make it?" Sadly the priest tells his friend that he has...

The kings of Spain, France, and England all stand on stage together in front of their nations all ready to see who of the three has the largest penis. The king of Spain takes his out and as they...

He laid her on the table, So white, clean and bare. His forehead wet with beads of sweat, He rubbed her here and there. He touched her neck and then her breast, And then,...

"Whew, that's one terrific spread!" "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat." "Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist." "Talk about a huge breast!" "It's Cool Whip time!"...

A senior citizen visits his doctor for a routine check-up and everything seems fine. The doctor asks him about his sex life. "Well..." the man drawled, "not bad at all to be honest. The wife...

On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight attendant noticed his predicament. "Sir, she said, "You...

"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night and when I...

Jack was living in Arizona during a heat wave when the following took place. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think...

1. You can enjoy beer all month long. 2. Beer stains wash out. 3. You don't have to wine and dine a beer. 4. Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play football....

The reason why our bras don't always match our underwear is because WE actually change our underwear. The next time you and your buddies joke about armed women in combat, take a poll to see...

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which read: Cheese Sandwich: $1.50 Chicken Sandwich: $2.50 Hand Job: $10.00 Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up...

1. You can GET chocolate. 2. "If you love me you'll swallow that" has real meaning with chocolate. 3. Chocolate satisfies even when it has gone soft. 4. You can safely have chocolate while you are...

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband...

If your favorite color is: RED Tend to be tigers in the sack. They are easily aroused and enjoy sex in every way imaginable. Once the sexual spark is lighted, it may take hours to extinguish....

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly. Imagine the...