A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find...

At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go...

Guy goes to the doctor to get the results of a health check. Doctor says 'Iv'e got good news and bad news, which do you want first?' 'Guy says good news first.' 'OK, You got 24 hours to live'...

A woman takes her 16-year-old daughter to the doctor. The doctor says, "Okay, Mrs. Jones, what's the problem?" The mother says, "It's my daughter Darla, she keeps getting these cravings, she's...

Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor. Doctor: You should diet. Trish: Really? What color?

A man, after being hurt, calls 911 for help. Man: Operator, operator, call me an ambulance! Operator: Okay, sir, you're an ambulance!

Patient: Doctor, I think I need glasses. Teller: You certainly do! This is a bank. A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor to get treatment for it. Doctor: Your tonsils gotta...

Patient (to cosmetic surgeon): Will it hurt me, doctor? Surgeon: Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown.

Three doctors died and went to the Pearly Gates to be interviewed to see where they would end up. St. Peter asked the first one what he did on earth, and he said he was an obstetrician. St. Peter...

Gobbler said, "Doctor, help me! I can't stop acting like a turkey!" "I see," said the doctor. "How long have you had this problem?" "Let me think a second. Mom laid the egg in 1954..."

A pharmacist goes to a nursing home to review an elderly customer. As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they talk, he can't help himself and eats...

A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available....

A doctor and his wife have a row over breakfast. "And you're crap in bed," shouts the husband, storming out to the car. When he gets a lull in his work at the surgery, he decides to phone home and...

4 MDs and 4 PhDs are going to a meeting by train. The 4 MDs each have their own ticket, but the 4 PhDs (who have little money, of course) have 1 ticket among them. The MDs ask the PhDs (in a...

A man and his wife entered a dentist's office. The wife said, "I want a tooth pulled. I don't want gas or Novocain because I'm in a terrible hurry. Just pull the tooth as quickly as possible."...

A young lad starts work in a pharmacy. The owner is explaining the rudiments of the job to the youth... "When a customer comes into the shop, be very polite to them and try to put a little poetry...

A lady walks into the dentist's office, takes off her underwear, sits down on the chair and spreads her legs wide open. "You must have made a mistake," says the shocked dentist, "The...

Dr. Manfield was granted permission to use Death Row Prisoners for his new Brain studies. He opens the head of his first patient, cuts out the left side of the brain and asks him to count, the...

DOCTOR: Don't worry you'll live to be eighty. PATIENT: It's my eightieth birthdday tommorow. DOCTOR: There. What did I tell you? PATIENT: Doctor, I think that there are two of me. DOCTOR:...