Q: What do Michael and Catholic school nuns have in common?A: Both are a pain in the ass to kids.

Q. While visiting China, your tour guide starts shouting, "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does this mean?A. George Gobel: "Cattle crossing."

What's the difference between Dodi and Di and Charles and Camilla?Dodi and Di are just a crush

What is the difference between Prince Charles and Mark Taylor?Mark Taylor came home with the ashes

How can you tell which one was Charles at the funeral?He was the one talking to the flowers.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?A. Charley Weaver: "My sense of decency."

What was Diana's last word?Cheese !!!

Q. What did Chelsea say when Hillary asked if she had sex yet?A. "Not according to Dad."

: How do we know Michael Jackson isn't really a virgin?A: He's got children out the ass.

Q: What's Michael Jackson's Chinese name?A: Melikeemyoung.

Q. What's the difference between Christopher Reeves and OJ Simpson?A. Christopher Reeves got the electric chair....and O.J walked!

What happened to the fairy Princess when the clock struck twelve?She turned into a pillar!

Why wouldn´t you want to buy any computer hardware at Harrod´s?Their drivers are crash-prone!

I was having trouble with my computer. So I called Rick the computer guy, to come over. Rick clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem. He gave me a bill for a minimum service call. As he...

Q: What's the difference between Michael and Connie Chung?A: Michael's been able to have kids.

Why was Princess Diana so thin?Crash diet.

Why couldn't the paparazzi develop the crash photos?Cos there was bloody Di all over them.

Q: What's Michael's favorite dish?A: Creamed shrimp.

Why did the Poms want to cremate Di?That way they finally get to keep the ashes!

What was Diana wearing the night of her crash?Crushed velvet.