You're so fat that when you went to the zoo, the hippos got jealous.

You're so ugly, your mom has to tie a steak around your neck just to get the dog to play with you.

You so dumb, you go up to a cow and ask for 2%!

What is a Zebra?A Z-bra is 25 sizes bigger than an A-bra.

First, you get a little hoarse. Then, you get a little buggy.

A little boy asked his mother: Mummy, why are you white and I am black? Don't even ask me that, when I remember that party..., you are lucky that you don't bark.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

If you find you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow -- even during a hurricane! -- here is a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.

An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

Golf is a hard game to figure. One day you'll go out and slice it and shank it, hit it onto all the traps and miss every green. The next day you go out, and for no reason at all, you really stink.

I play in the low 80's. If it is hotter than that, I won't play.

Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously, it won't work -- and both are expensive.

In golf, some people tend to get confused with all the numbers. They shoot a six, yell fore, and write five.

What is black and white and red all over? An embarrassed zebra

Q: Do you know why doctors slap babies on the butt after they are born? A: It knocks the penises off of the dumb ones.

What do you call an honest lawyer? An oxymoron.

Why does a blond keep lowering her head in the supermarket. She is looking for low prices

Doctor: "Stop worrying so much. Forget your troubles. Throw yourself into your work." Patient: "But, Doc, I mix paint for a living!"

How can you tell a blonde woman has been dating? By the belt buckle imprint on her forehead.